To do or not to do: Parental permission to wed your partner & the how-tos

Getting married is a big step and quite an investment in your future. Once an engagement is finalized there are countless hours and endless to-do lists dedicated to creating the magical day. We must also give credit where credit is due...to the strategic planning, preparation, and behind the scene jitters of men and women who take the initiative to ask for someone's hand in marriage. I know when my husband and I got engaged I was blown away by his sweet and thoughtful proposal. It was so eloquently planned and matched us to a tee. Although, one of the first questions I found myself asking after he got down on one knee (yes, he did :)) and once I could contain my emotional state was "Did you talk to my Dad?" 



I've always had this innate belief that asking a parent for their child's hand in marriage (or for a blessing) demonstrates a huge sign of respect for not only a parent/elder but also for the person you love. I am a strong believer in the what goes around comes around phrase and believe that giving respect, only in turn, invites others to respect to you. SO this got me thinking, am I being too old school? Or is it okay for people to take the plunge without a granted go-ahead? I definitely understand there are moments and relationships where asking wouldn't be warranted but I'm curious, what do you think?

When my husband and I were dating I made it clear if we were to go down the marriage road, asking my parents (Dad in particular) was something important to me. And I'm glad he respected my request. Pretty positive that even if I didn't throw him a bone he still would have mustered up the courage to ask, but it does spark some curiosity now that I'm thinking about it. (I think I might have to ask). 

(My dad and me on my wedding day)

Anyways, back on point.  How does one ask a parent for their son or daughter's hand in marriage? I mean, I never had to do it. I could speculate one could do the standard "Can I talk with you for a moment?" Or the "let's meet up for coffee" (or maybe no one does that one). My brother on the other hand got a little creative and fancy when approaching his in-laws for his then girlfriend's hand in marriage. Honestly, I just have to mention my brother is a pretty sweet dude who has a big heart, clever mindset, and a wild sense of humor. Taking that and adding it all together created the perfect blend for the perfect (what I will call) parent proposal. Let me give you the deets!

Instead of doing the standard chit chat, "can I ask her," yadda yadda stuff, he literally typed up a resume (yes, you read that right), a resume, as though he was trying to land his dream job.  He wanted to do something creative AND special for her parents as he recognized this also would involve a significant change in their lives. In his resume he expressed his previous "jobs," why he would be the perfect husband for Lisa, and listed all of his qualifications. (And in case it wasn't already implied, they said yes). Below is a copy of the resume he built.

Daniel J. SXXXXX

_______________________________________

Address, WI 53142 • Phone Number • email@yahoo.com

Education

I am a Graduate with higher Education in the UW-System, but as you know I am full of dumb jokes and child-like behavior that may force you to question that Education.          

Previous Experience 

Other relationships somewhere starting in Junior high - Present 

Junior High-

·         Not much luck, skinny guy with not much sense of style and scared of girls.

·         When your books are knocked out of your hands and people laugh at you……You have no shot.

High School -                                                      

·         Just got into the lady scene.

·         Many dances where I learned my awesome dance moves.

·         Many fazes of style including Jenco jeans and a goatee.

·         Can’t remember much anymore because getting into my old age and my 10 year reunion coming up.

College -

·         Learned how to dress finally, thank goodness for the Buckle and their flowered shirts.

·         Turned 21 and learned how to handle a few beers and pick up on newer up-to-date dance moves.

·         Failed experiments that brought learning lessons to increase my future experience.

·         Many years of wandering and mistakes to find out what I truly want and need in my life.

·         Realized gifts from Goodwill and dinners to Pizza Hut doesn’t constitute as a good date.

·         Excessive drinking isn’t the norm once you leave college

Post College-

Lisa Yxxxxx- March 2008 – Present

·         Learned that Flower shirts are not acceptable attire.

·         True happiness begins with the letter “L” for Lisa.

·         Four weddings in a summer is the norm.

·         Meeting your potential future in-laws a week after your first date is not too soon.

·         Became a pro at many games such as: Racko, Yahtzee, Spicy Farkle and Euchre.

·         Found out that people do schedule every little thing they do. Life doesn’t work without a planner.

·         Would never have thought to find such a caring, loving, thoughtful, beautiful woman ever in my life.  I found my true happiness and what I want.

·         I found everything I ever wanted for the rest of my life.

SKILLS

      Ability to flex my large biceps, able to make dumb jokes and comments in any situation (given this resume), testicle toss runner up champion, put together a tiny tent; wet wood is no challenge when you have a lighter and paper, read a book to a group of kindergarteners even though I can't pronounce the word wolf. 

PROMISES:

      To love your daughter forever, care for your daughter forever, treat your daughter the best I can forever, care for her when she is ill forever; be the best husband, father, and grandfather forever. Provide for you daughter forever, take over the car repairs for your daughter forever, to be be along side your daughter during the good and hard times forever, Be a great son-n-law second to Scott forever, make your daughter forever happy for ever and ever till death do us part.

May I have permission to marry your daughter?

_____________________________________________________________

     (Doesn't that make you melt like butter?!?! I mean, come on! I just love the creative sense of humor mixed with a genuine sense of love and respect, but maybe I'm somewhat biased)

                         So to answer my thoughts on #1

 To-do or not to-do

It may depend on what is important to your significant other and you. I believe if you're unsure just go ahead and ask him or her. If anything (I believe) you asking for their preference shows you care and respect one another along with your relationship... Even if you may not always agree with what their parents say or how they handle things. 

And to point out #2 

The how tos...

For the sake of cuteness and  sparking anyone interested in initiating a parent proposal, might I suggest thinking of some out of the box ways (e.g. a resume) and put some fun into it! Maybe the actual proposal doesn't have to be the only sentimental and creative jump! Who knows, creative parent proposals could be the wave of the future. What comes to mind is Trash the Dress, but I'm not quite sure that's on the same level. Oh well, I did it anyway!

So what do you think? Would you/did you ask permission? Do you think asking for permission is old school? Or is it okay to forge ahead without? Any thoughts on creative parent proposals? Let me know!

P.S.

Happy Fri-Yay! Here's some links from around the world this week:

We're checking out The Gingerbread House this weekend

Dad sings Blackbird to his dying son. (WARNING:Tears may be a side effect of watching this video)

How long does it take to read a book 

10 ways children can honor Veteran's and not just on Veteran's day

Regrow your lettuce

Buy one get one free sweaters at The Limited  

Salt and pepper shakers that will make you smile 

Coffee Naps? Sold.  

The History of Marriage 

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